Infinite Menus, Copyright 2006, OpenCube Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Stories


 

 
Life, like dealing with your mother-in-law, is all the more challenging if you can’t laugh at it once in a while.  No other relationship has created more love or hate, depending upon your situation, than mothers-in-law. Men all learn, sometimes too late, that when they marry that beautiful young lady they are also marrying her family.  The mother-in-law seems to create angst more than any other in-law.  Consequently, there are more jokes told about her than any other family member.
 
The following are a few of my collection of MIL (mother-in-law) jokes that I would like to share.  
 
Isn’t it interesting that when you mix the letters in “mother-in-law” around they come out “woman Hitler”?  Is that a coincidence?
 
One man reported “I was out shopping the other day after a meeting when I saw six women beating on my MIL. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor said, ‘Well, aren’t you going to help?’  I replied, ‘No, six of them are enough’.”
 
The clock fell off the wall.  Had it been a second sooner, it would have hit my MIL.  Darn!  That clock was always slow.
 
Two men were in a bar.  One says to his friend, “My MIL is an angel.” His friend replied, “You’re lucky.  Mine is still alive.”
 
A son-in-law was driving down the road when he was stopped by a policeman.  The officer yelled, “Your MIL fell out of the car five miles back.”  The young man replied, “Thank God for that.  I thought I had gone deaf.”
 
I wouldn’t say that my MIL is ugly, but every time she puts on lipstick it tries to crawl back into the tube.
 
A man brings his dog into the vet and says, “Could you please cut my dog’s tail off?”  The vet examines the tail and says, “There’s nothing wrong.  Why would you want to do that?”  The man replies, “My MIL is coming to visit, and I don’t want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome.”
 
Sometimes the father-in-law knows best.  At a senior citizen’s meeting, a couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.  The husband stood and was telling the story of his dating habits in his youth.  It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn’t like her.  So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother.  So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn’t like her.
 
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his MIL.  During their vacation, and while they were in Jerusalem, George’s MIL suddenly died.  With the death certificate in hand, George went to an American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for proper burial.  He was told, “My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive.  It could cost as much as $5,000 dollars.  Therefore, in most cases, the family decides to bury the body here.  This would cost only $150 dollars.”
 
Upon consideration of this information, George then replies, “I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back.  That’s what I want to do.”  The Consulate remarked, “You must have loved your MIL very much, considering the difference in price involved.”  “No, it’s not that,” George replies.  “You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem, and on the third day he was resurrected.  I just don’t want to take that chance.”
 
A beggar came to my MIL’s house and said, “Excuse me madam, have you got any old beer bottles you can let me have?”  At this, she indignantly replied, “Do I look like I drink beer?”  At this he replied, “Sorry, ma’am, I suppose not.  But, perhaps you have some old vinegar bottles then?”
 
I can always tell when my MIL is coming to stay.  The mice throw themselves on the traps.
 
I just returned from a pleasure trip.  I took my MIL to the airport.
 
My MIL said, “One day I will dance on your grave.”  I said, “I hope so.  I am going to be buried at sea.”
 
I haven’t spoken to my MIL for eighteen months.  I just don’t like to interrupt her while talking. 
 
A police recruit was asked during an examination, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?  He answered, “I’d call for backup.”
 
Last night the local peeping Tom knocked on my MIL’s door and asked her to shut her blinds.
 
And finally:
 
A couple drove several miles down a country road not saying a word.  An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.  As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “relatives of yours?”  “Yep,” the husband replies, “in-laws.”
 
 
 
 
“MOTHER-IN-LAW OR WOMAN HITLER?”
 
BY: NEAL MURPHY
 
PO BOX 511
107 HEMLOCK STREET
SAN AUGUSTINE, TX 75972
936-275-9033
Cell: 936-275-6986
Email: sugarbear@netdot.com
 
852 words
 
 
 

Hide Comments

LinkedUpRadio Envisionwise Web Services