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Most people who know anything about the Bible are familiar with the story of Noah and the ark. Genesis chapters six and seven relate how God decided to destroy all the inhabitants of an evil world by a great flood, except for Noah and his family.  God gave Noah the “blueprints” of the ark that He wanted constructed and Noah was instructed to follow these blueprints to the letter.  Although it took many years of work by the Noah family, the ark was finally built and God began the flood after it was filled with the animals and fowl of the earth.  The Bible says that “God shut the door” so that no one could get out or get in.
 
Have you ever wondered what would have happened to Noah if God had waited until the twenty-first century to cause the flood?  Would it have been something like this?
 
It is the year 2014 and Noah lives in the United States.  The Lord speaks to Noah and says, “In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.  But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living things on the earth.  Therefore, I am commanding you to build an ark.”
 
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an ark.  Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. “Remember,” said the Lord, “you must complete the ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”
 
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.  The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.  “Noah,” he shouted, “Where is the ark?”
 
“Lord, please forgive me!” cried Noah.  “I did my best, but there were big problems.  First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes.  I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.”
 
Noah continues, “Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether the ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices.  Then my neighbor objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.”
 
“Lord, it gets worse,” cried Noah.  “I had problems getting enough wood for the ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.  I finally convinced the U.S. Forrest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.  However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls.”
 
“The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.  I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union.  Now I have 16 carpenters on the ark, but still no owls.  When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group.  They objected to my taking only two of each kind aboard.  Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.  They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.”
 
“Lord,” cried Noah, “it’s still not over.  The Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain.  I sent them a globe.  Right now I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking the godless, unbelieving people on board.”
 
Wringing his hands, Noah continues, “The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I’m building the ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.  I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the ark as a recreational water craft.”
 
“Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.  I really don’t think I can finish the ark for another five or six years!”, Noah wailed.
 
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm.  A rainbow arched across the sky.  Noah looked up hopefully and asked, “You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”  “No,” said the Lord sadly.  “The government already has.”
 
AMEN
 
 

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